> CHRISTIAN, n. One who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor. One who follows the teachings of Christ in so far as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin. [...]
> KORAN, n. A book which the Mohammedans foolishly believe to have been written by divine inspiration, but which Christians know to be a wicked imposture, contradictory to the Holy Scriptures.
> ABELIANS, n. A religious sect of Africa who practiced the virtues of Abel. They were unfortunate in flourishing contemporaneously with the Cainians, and are now extinct.
> PAGAN, n. A benighted person who prefers home-made deities and indigenous religious rites.
> HELL, n. The residence of the late Dr. Noah Webster, dictionary-maker.
> CHURCH, n. A place where the parson worships God and the women worship the parson.
> BUDDHISM, n. A preposterous form of religious error perversely preferred by about three-fourths of the human race. According to the Rev. Dr. Stebbins it is infinitely superior to the religion which he has the honor to expound. Therefore it is.
> GNOSTICS, n. A sect of philosophers who tried to engineer a fusion between the early Christians and the Platonists. The former would not go into the caucus and the combination failed, greatly to the chagrin of the fusion managers.
> HEBREW, n. A male Jew, as distinguished from the Shebrew, an altogether superior creation.
> BACCHUS, n. A convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for getting drunk.
> CAABA, n. A large stone presented by the archangel Gabriel to the patriarch Abraham, and preserved at Mecca. The patriarch had perhaps asked the archangel for bread.
> RELIGION, n. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.
"What is your religion, my son?" inquired the Archbishop of Rheims.
"Pardon, monseigneur," replied Rochebriant; "I am ashamed of it."
"Then why do you not become an atheist?"
"Impossible! I should be ashamed of atheism."
"In that case, monsieur, you should join the Protestants."
> KORAN, n. A book which the Mohammedans foolishly believe to have been written by divine inspiration, but which Christians know to be a wicked imposture, contradictory to the Holy Scriptures.
> ABELIANS, n. A religious sect of Africa who practiced the virtues of Abel. They were unfortunate in flourishing contemporaneously with the Cainians, and are now extinct.
> PAGAN, n. A benighted person who prefers home-made deities and indigenous religious rites.
> HELL, n. The residence of the late Dr. Noah Webster, dictionary-maker.
> CHURCH, n. A place where the parson worships God and the women worship the parson.
> BUDDHISM, n. A preposterous form of religious error perversely preferred by about three-fourths of the human race. According to the Rev. Dr. Stebbins it is infinitely superior to the religion which he has the honor to expound. Therefore it is.
> GNOSTICS, n. A sect of philosophers who tried to engineer a fusion between the early Christians and the Platonists. The former would not go into the caucus and the combination failed, greatly to the chagrin of the fusion managers.
> HEBREW, n. A male Jew, as distinguished from the Shebrew, an altogether superior creation.
> BACCHUS, n. A convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for getting drunk.
> CAABA, n. A large stone presented by the archangel Gabriel to the patriarch Abraham, and preserved at Mecca. The patriarch had perhaps asked the archangel for bread.
> RELIGION, n. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.
"What is your religion, my son?" inquired the Archbishop of Rheims.
"Pardon, monseigneur," replied Rochebriant; "I am ashamed of it."
"Then why do you not become an atheist?"
"Impossible! I should be ashamed of atheism."
"In that case, monsieur, you should join the Protestants."
